New book, same old story line…

You know how you get excited when you get a new book, and once you start reading…everything is new, until you understand the plot and suddenly it feels like you’ve read that book before…similar plot, and perhaps similar ending? Well, that’s how it feels with me.

I thought with this new founded way of trying to get better would work. Because, with my insurance, getting ED help is next to impossible and the length of time needed would never be covered, nor accepted. Especially, with the type of coverage I have and being from Texas and it’s tight-ass rules.

Here I am, trying this new thing…and these wonderful people whom I’ve grown to love are starting to fully grasp the understanding of what my world is like. Now, knowing what they know now, they are shaking in their boots. I know they care. And, I know they want to help. But, when it comes down to it… I think it’s more than they’re accustomed to, used to.

I feel like, I’m about to turn the page and find out I am alone again. It happened with Anna, she wanted to help…but, then again, she wasn’t that completely honest with me about her OWN health either. I know these people are much stronger than Anna, so I don’t have to worry about that aspect. But, it’s what Anna did that I am afraid these people would do.

As I said, I feel like I’m fixing to turn the page and find out that I am alone again, sure they’ll still be there (like Anna is, well she sort of is…not nearly as much anymore *health issues and all*)…but, it won’t be the same.

I think I may need go back and just do what I have been doing on my own using my own facebook, and post pics and back to what I’m most comfortable with that will prevent no purging…and more.

This is why I try not to have hope, because this is what happens. New book…same old story line.

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3 thoughts on “New book, same old story line…

  1. Jenny–I love that you did what I asked and journaled. Your fears are real and you expressed them very well. All I can tell you is that we have no plans to abandon you and we plan to continue to support you for a very long time–and that’s why we need to find for you appropriate help for “a very long time” to happen.

    1. Jenny – so interesting to read this now on December 30 2013…I hope you now know that we aren’t leaving you sweetie. Yes, at times it can be very difficult to be front and present as often as you need us to be. Believe me when I say it’s very hard for us when we can’t be front and present. I know that I and all of the others fall asleep at night with you on our minds and in our hearts and that’s exactly where you are when we open our eyes each morning. Please keep the faith that this time it’s a “New book, with a very different story…”

  2. gee whiz, I’m just finding out about your blog now! Echoing what Denise said. I am here for the long haul. As are all the PITAs. We see your worth and beauty; my wish is that you see it, too.

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